You can’t control a lot of things in life, that is a fact, but what you can control is how you deal with them.
As someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, I hurt easily, far too easily in fact, and at times I am my own worst enemy. My feelings are all I have, they are what have led me to inspire many, but they also tear me to shreds a lot of the time. Some would say I like the drama, that I enjoy the challenge, and then fall apart when I lose. To be honest, they have said it all before, I have felt it all before, and it is something to natural to me that now I don’t just get hurt by it, I expect it, and my life is normal with it.
I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t over feel, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t want what I couldn’t have.
I am talking about a side of myself that most you don’t see making the public speeches or writing the sports articles.
Some days I feel like I could easily implode and say things that would do me more harm than good. My words are all I have, and sometimes I feel those words being literally snatched from my mouth, not because I am being silenced, but because the world truly couldn’t understand how I am feeling at moments like this one. I feel absolutely powerless to stop anything, I am frustrated that I am in this situation and not in another, and I am angry with myself for attempting to put the past behind me and move on.
I don’t want to move on, because justice hasn’t been done, wrongs haven’t been made right, and the truth, the hard cold truth, hasn’t been explained. The truth wouldn’t be a surprise, if you really looked beyond the vision of what you see directly in front of you, I could remain silent and you’d know how I am feeling and what I am thinking at this very moment.
This is anxiety… I feel frustrated, nervous, and scared of being me, and by being me, I mean feeling the things I feel.
But I know, I will feel better soon. This blog may sound a little dramatic, but this is the truth, this is how I get some times, and I just wish that I could really say how I really feel and get what I really want.
That, in a nutshell, is you.