Why I Can’t Keep Quiet: Part 1

This is PART ONE in a series of “Why I Can’t Keep Quiet” blogs to be published over the next month.

I was on Facebook the other night and a friend messaged me and congratulated me on how I speak my mind about things. He said it takes a lot of strength to speak publicly about what you believe and not be afraid of the backlash.

My friend then suggested I should write a blog about this, and give my readers a bit of an insight into it all. I’ve taken him up on this and will be writing a series of personal, and revealing blogs that hopefully take you a little ‘behind the scenes’.

So to begin, I guess the first question isn’t really a question but a statement.

I am a loud mouth, I speak my feelings, and I am not afraid to talk in a public forum and challenge ideologies that I believe are wrong.

If you know nothing about Mike Pulman, know that. Continue reading Why I Can’t Keep Quiet: Part 1

PERSONAL: Getting over a girl you can’t be with

As much as it doesn’t help when you hear it, the fact remains true that having a crush on someone you cannot be more than a friend with is something that we all go through at least once during a lifetime.

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I don’t like the word crush.

I’ve always believed that feelings I have had for girls have been so much more than a simple crush.

So, how do you get over (for lack of a better phrase) somebody you have feelings for but can never be with?

Reasons you cannot be with this girl will vary.

She could be in a relationship with another guy, she may not like you in that way, she may be crushing on someone else, or she might just want to be a friend to you and nothing more.

Maybe the two of you just aren’t meant for a relationship.

The first thing you need to do is find a way to accept the situation and accept that you cannot be with this girl.

It is ok to be sad, sadness will be with you for a while during this period, but eventually you will come to realise that you can feel sad and unlucky for days on end, but eventually the time comes to get over it and move forward.

You really like this girl right? So, of course you’re going to be quite sad about not being with her in the way you want.

Next I think it is important to find a way to talk about how you feel, to the girl herself even.

It is easy, so very easy for things between the two of you to become awkward so you really need to find a way to tell this girl how you feel, but do it in a way that doesn’t make her feel guilty for not feeling the same way, but a way that helps her to understand how you feel, while at the same time you need to realise that she doesn’t feel the same way about you and she cannot really say anything that you will want to hear.

Find a way to talk, remember you and this girl are friends and as much as seeing her beautiful face day in and day out will make you yearn for her to be yours, just remember friendship is still a good thing!

At times you will feel so jealous, especially if she has a partner. But if you do anything, make sure you don’t make her feel guilty or bad because some other guy got there first.

Your feelings are yours and yours alone at this point. To be blunt, it is a problem and a problem only you know how to get yourself out of.

Lastly, you are going to be ok through this.

You’re not crazy, and you certainly aren’t needy or emotionally unstable, you simply like this really amazing girl who sadly will never be more than a friend to you.

It just isn’t meant to be, because if it was you wouldn’t be going through all this emotional turmoil just to be given a chance at being her boyfriend.

There is a girl out there who is better for you, but she has to find you and no matter how amazing you think this girl that you like but cannot be with is, there is somebody out there who is better.

Yes I said it, someone better.

I myself have been through this many times, in actual fact I am right at this moment as well.

DREAM BELIEVE ACHIEVE.

My Journey To Sex: Part 1

January 15th 2014 will be a day that I will never forget.

Throughout my life there have been many moments that will be fondly remembered, but losing my virginity, in what I think was a good experience, ranks right up near the top of the list, and for so many reasons.

Before I had experienced intercourse, I was always a very sexual person I think. I say this without any evidence, but it didn’t take much to get my mind going down that path, guess I was easy to seduce. Isn’t every male a little easy to seduce? I was no different. Still aren’t.

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The opportunities for physical experiences were nil, but in my mind I had been thinking about what sex would be like for years and years. At the age of 12 I began to get interested in sex for the first time, and I think like many kids at that age, my eyes were first opened to the whole thing when we had sex education classes at school. But back then I was more interested in the company of girls, I didn’t care less about sex because I didn’t even know the mechanics of it. Getting a girlfriend was a big goal of mine, but I didn’t really understand what a girlfriend would be, it was more a friendship based thing I suppose because at that young age you simply are not ready for a proper relationship, chances are you don’t know what a relationship really is.

My journey to sex began so long ago now that it feels like ancient history. It is a history I know every single detail of and could list every major milestone off the top of my head.

For anybody, going through the teenage years was brutally tough for me in the sexual sense. It was tough for many reasons, but a big one was the dawning of sexual curiosity, and the beginning of what felt like sexual abandonment. I don’t want to generalise modern society, because there are some good level headed teenagers out there, but in today’s world, sexual experiences are occurring at younger ages. By the time I was 17, I think nearly all my friends had experienced sex in some form. Throughout the teen years I spoke with a few different specialists and doctors about my sexual concerns, and most people were helpful, but as it had always been for me, there was always something a little taboo about sex in general, and that made my frustration all the more worse.

It was an elephant in the room at MDA too, but an issue that was effecting so many young people with these muscle conditions, but no one really wanted to address it. Sex is so taboo, mainly because it can be a very controversial and uncomfortable topic.

The frustration was deep rooted, for the most part I tried to rise above it, but as the disability slowly started to take more of a powerful effect on my body, the fear was beginning to creep in.

If the disability is making my body so restricted, then surely my sexual capabilities will be affected too. I don’t think, as a guy who was very sexually minded, I could explain to anybody reading this how scared I was. I was terrified that I would never experience. Utterly terrified. I couldn’t talk about it because if I did I would cry.

There were no clear answers, I didn’t know for sure if I would ever be able to achieve sexual gratification, it was just the way things were. Over time I began to wonder if it would ever happen. Deep down I knew it would, but I also knew that potentially, sex would be something that I would have to make happen for myself.

But how do you make something as amazing, important, needed, natural, complicated, impactful, and enjoyable as sex come to you before its ready to happen?

It felt like sex would happen for me when it was ready to, but my impatience and growing concern about my sexual capabilities for the present, and into the future, were also completely natural and expected as well. It was always going to be one of my greatest, and most natural challenges.

Like I am today, back then I was always a very passionate person. I kept myself busy, as you do, and the reality that I was a virgin and had never had a single sexual arousal or feeling was difficult to accept, but made easier to deal with by how happy I was in all the other areas of my life. I grew up in a terrific family, with two parents who were supportive, nurturing, understanding, and above all else they kept me on the path of positiveness. With a disability such as this, or any other, positive thought and proactive action is key to keeping the belief alive in the person dealing with the disability, which could easily take over your thinking if you let it. I don’t want to sound like I was always positive, because there were many times when I wasn’t, but for whatever reason why, every day was a new beginning.

I tried to never let the fear that I may not be able to have sex stop me from believing that one day I would.

The root of the frustration was the inner confliction I was having with myself. On the one hand, I wanted to have sex but I didn’t know why I wanted it so badly, maybe it was just because I could say I had done it, as if it was something that would make me feel a little more normal so to speak. But that only aided the inner confliction to grow, because I believed I was just as normal as anybody else and for my entire life that hadn’t changed, even with a disability which in many ways does make you different. The third confliction was that I didn’t want to perceived or thought of to be just another horny teenager, but I couldn’t help but think that I was. So I didn’t talk to anyone about it really, for years I kept my concerns primarily to myself.

Those few years as a teenager where you think you can deal with it all on your own, and honestly sex isn’t always something you should talk about with all in sundry anyway.

I knew for sure, one reason why I wanted to have sex, and it was to know wether I could or couldn’t. But the issue was, I was never going to know the answer until I did it.

* TMI WARNING.

My body was that restricted, that weak. I couldn’t even masturbate. I didn’t know if I could get an erection, I had never even orgasmed before.

So I had no idea whatsoever what I was going to get into, get out of, and if that would effect my life in a terrific way, or a terribly depressing way.

So to end part one of this series of blogs, probably my most personally revealing piece of writing ever, I have this advice.

Before you have sex for the first time, be prepared to live with the real possibility that you may not be able to. I mean not be able to, no sex, no performance, no nothing. That’s what I had to ask myself. Could I live without ever having those experiences. It would have been such a blow to my belief, in myself as a man, and it was so scary to think about, but think about it you have to. I don’t know why it was so important to me, maybe it was because many of my friends with the disability had died without ever experiencing, maybe it was all just a giant over thought on my part, maybe it was fear, I just felt as though I had a set timer ticking away and I needed to act, and act fast.

Fast forward, even days out from my first time doing anything sexual, in the hot awesome summer of 2013/2014, my journey was only just beginning, and I had absolutely no idea just how life changing it would be.

Regards,

Mike