It wasn’t just the moment I lost my virginity, but the entire experience that afternoon which absolutely astounded every sense of my being.
It felt like I had been on this journey for years, almost a lifetime, and so many questions along the way had suddenly been answered all in the space of a couple of hours.
I performed, I had my first orgasm, I made her orgasm, and I finally knew what sex felt like.
It was such a terrific moment of clarity, and share relief. I had never been so relieved, so thankful, and so floored by such a powerful and quick feeling of emotion which came as quick as it left.
My first orgasm was indescribable. I didn’t know what the hell was happening to my body, at first I actually thought I was about to pass out or that maybe I was having a stroke or something., my head kind of exploded and went all dizzy, I lost focus on what I was doing, and then out of nowhere that wave of pleasure hit me, so powerfully, and so quickly. It’s like you’re entire being shifts into overdrive, it just feels amazing. Better than any feeling.
When you reach your end you kind of lose all sense of reality. The world around you just explodes into a massive rush of excitement, relief, and pure pleasure.
But greater than that, if sex is done with the right person, the cuddles after the act itself are just as pleasurable as anything you do when getting all hot n heavy.
I love cuddles, sometimes nothing is said, you sort of just lie there with the girl and hold hands, kiss for a bit, and just enjoy being close.
To me, sex is more about being close with a person than actually getting the person to orgasm.
On January 15th 2014, my sex life began, and in many ways my entire life changed in a small way as well.
I had hoped, prayed, and wished for sexual performance, that was all. I just wanted to be able to do that stuff, and despite all my concerns and doubts going in, there was not one thing I wasn’t able to do. I was able to give and receive oral, do penetration, orgasm, and every other thing you do in the bedroom. It was a surprise in many ways, but one that was welcome.
You have to remember, I didn’t even know 100% wether or not I could even get an erection before my first sexual experience.
So in summary, and I really don’t know how to finish this blog. All I can think about is how relieved I am that I can actually sit here tonight, and finish by saying yes, I can actually, and did actually have sex.
Again, the reason of knowing if I could or if I couldn’t, is completely unknown to me. Even now.
Losing my virginity, my journey to sex, all the doubts and concerns, and all the taboo of the subject, it is clear to me that sex was perhaps the greatest challenge that my disability threw my way so far.
There will be many more challenges in the future, some of which I wont be so successful in, but I made a promise to myself long ago that I would try, just try to not let my disability stop my belief in anything, including having a normal and healthy sex life.
I don’t feel like I am in a position to give advice to anybody with a condition like mine, and I won’t do that. Because make no mistake about it, this disease effects people differently, and you have to be prepared to accept that you may not be able to have sex, but go into it hoping against it all that you will.
That’s all you can do, just hope.
And keep in mind, sex isn’t all there is to life. It really isn’t, things that are more important are what should motivate you. Like school, family, love, hobbies, work, being a good person, keeping true to who you are and what you believe in.
You can’t describe what sex feels like, and no matter how OCD and obsessed I become in trying to do so, I wont ever be able to describe that wave of pleasure and how powerfully it takes over you. It just feels like a tremendous surge of everything pleasurable. Lets just say, think about how great you THINK sex will be before you do it, and then triple that by around 100, that is how awesome an orgasm feels.
That’s how it feels to me anyway. And no matter how many times I do it, it never ever stops feeling that great.
Finally, I just feel very proud and quite privileged to have shared this story with you. I hope you enjoyed the last three blogs. I was scared to share this story, but I wanted to tell it as well.
My next challenge?
I don’t know really, I am busy as hell with Wintec these days and working on my Journalism degree.
There are many girls in my life too, haven’t quite found the right one yet, and I am quite scared to try as well because I have been hurt so many times before, but as I proved recently, it doesn’t scare me away either and I hope date 3 with the girl from my class goes well.
You can’t force love, it comes to you. Sex is awesome and I glad I can do it, but it isn’t the end goal for me.
My goal is to be myself, and be true to the girls in my life. After being true to myself.
I will make my mistakes too. In fact, I have already. My confidence with girls is terribly low and it will take a long time to gain it back. But like everything, you believe in what you are doing, and I guess you just have to hope.
Plus, I have dates to go on soon, and that girl is awesome too! Don’t know if it is officially dating or what, we are just mates.
I hoped with sex, and I achieved it. I hope with a girlfriend one day, I want to be the best boyfriend in the world, and I will achieve that too. I just believe in that.